Gratitude for Even the Small

It's 5:30am in California. As I sit here unable to sleep, I am reminded of my night in Abu Dhabi and how after 3 hours of sleep, my internal clock said I slept all night. I'm experiencing the same feeling. 

This year, there is no traditional meal for my family. Sitting in a motel room, there will be no mashed potatoes, no Quorn veggie roast or stuffing. Visiting my daughter in her new home is all I need. I never held a great deal of attachment to holidays anyway. 

This holiday, during this very early morning with very little sleep, has my heart twisting with sadness. I don't know why yet, but I'm sure it has to do with all these feelings and thoughts still pouring through my mind from India. 

This morning I read a post from a Peace Corps volunteer on NPR. When she cried over water, I understood. She spoke for my heart. 

"At first, I cried with happiness when I saw rain after a five-month dry season. It cooled down the savannah and filled the buckets I use to fetch water from the community water spigot. But I also cried real tears when it rained almost every day; I couldn't charge my phone via solar charger, severing my tenuous connection back home for a short while."

I am grateful for so much this year. My list would never be complete. 

-My husband, my daughter, my pups and kitties who make my heart light up with their unconditional love, my mother who teaches me patience, my dear friends. -My dog, Charlie, rolling on the leaves with his tennis ball. 

-Weekly meditation with a monk. 

-Sunday sangha where I am welcomed, fed and join in bhajans regardless of how much time has passed since I was last there. 

-The luxury of choosing what to eat and buy to eat. 

-Clean water. You know what? I had to remind myself last night I could drink the water at this hotel because last time I was at a guest house I could not. How amazing is that! 

-Warmth. Warm clothes, heater, fireplace, you name it. I have a means of being warm where others do not. 

-To have people to love and those who love me back. Two sleepy heads snooze, one to my left and to my right. I'm the luckiest girl alive. 

http://www.npr.org/sections/goatsandsoda/2015/11/26/457261729/peace-corps-volunteer-to-have-turkey-free-but-thankful-thanksgiving

Maybe it Boils Down to Faith and a Choice

I've been trying to figure out what to do with the book I've been writing this past year. The focus is on Bhakti yoga - devotion to God - and how I got to this place. I thought India would seal the story, providing a wealth of stories and insights. It didn't - or so I thought. 

Slowly, very slowly my friends, have I been seeing pieces that might come together. Still I was lost. 

I met with Bhaktimarga Swami and saw Bhante Sujatha and Bhante Soma. A few pieces leaked, but nothing solidified. And then last night a yoga student and friend just said a few words (because I was rambling on and on which I've been doing so much this week to my dismay - not my nature). And those words are now brewing together ideas, thoughts and concepts. 

I am grateful for all my teachers and those we find in unexpected moments. And as for that dear lady, you thank you for helping the stew cook. 

Maybe just maybe part of Bhakti and any spiritual practice is that it's not about these grand magical moments, but about choices. Like the choice to love God even in moments of despair, pain and disaster. Maybe everything boils down to a choice and one of those choices is what many call faith.