It Was Time To Say Thank You

When I was a Freshman in high school, I was eating lunch in the noisy cafeteria with one of my only friends at the time. Another girl with cropped short hair and thin braids, plopped down next to us and started talking. It had only been about a year into living in Maryland. My family had moved from Astoria, N.Y. I suffered from culture shock. My peers were not enamoured with me. Instead they called me "Stupid Susan" and enjoyed making fun of me in a multitude of ways. 

Like me, she didn't sport soccer shorts or have the perfect blond hair pulled into a ponytail. She didn't wear Keds. She looked like she feared gym class as much as I did. However, she did not look like a typical New Yorker, either. She looked like artsy crossbreed of a punk and a hippie. I was afraid her sitting next to me would rock my fragile world and bring on more teasing. 

In the conversation that ensued, she mentioned she was a vegetarian and talked about animal cruelty. I had little knowledge of this area as my family were meat eating Catholic Republicans. Now, there was always that esoteric side, but my mother had no idea that she was doing anything different than what a typical God-fearing woman was doing. I ate little meat because I didn't have the palate for it. But nothing crossed my mind about doing it. I absolutely loved animals, but the concept of animal cruelty was foreign to me. I brushed off this girl as strange. 

Little could I know that merely 2 years later, I would not just consider her thoughts on animals, but become a PETA-loving vegetarian. Twenty two years later, I still walk this path (just not as preachy as I was in my youth and not torturing myself with PETA videos). I thought about her several times a year since I made that life changing decision. I always wanted to tell her how she literally changed my life. 

We cannot always see these marvelous pieces of life's puzzles and how they lock together creating something bigger than we envisioned. Yet, they happen, little by little. How could I have known that at the age of 16, my choice to not eat meat would not only turn into a lifelong decision, but also reflect my soul?

I have always had a deep connection of my past lives since I was a child. In my twenties, memories flooded my mind. In my thirties, I remembered a moment living in India, sitting in lotus on a golden sand covered ground as an old man with long white hair, wearing only a loin cloth. I remembered being a Buddhist monk in a prison cell, tortured by my captures, made to sit in lotus,once again in meditation. With each of these memories, I knew that I was meant to be a vegetarian, having been one previously.

I raised my daughter to understand vegetarianism (her father and I had to compromise with what meat she ate as a young child since he was a meat eater). This one moment sitting at a lunch table reminded me of my soul's nature, influenced my child's life, and then, when the time came again for me to enter into Hindu beliefs, naturally folded into perfect synchronicity without struggle. 

The other day, two potential artistic and spiritual opportunities arose for me. I wanted to seize them both and asked friends to send me prayers, Reiki and well wishes. I said to chant "Yes" for me, using a collective power of attraction. What was funny was how the next day, something interesting happened.

I felt this urge to find this woman and thank her. I had felt it before, but never so strongly. It was as if I was lifted to my feet and made to walk into my living room, scoop up old yearbooks and search for her face. I did not remember what graduating year she was or that of her younger sister. I heard an inner voice say to me "Now is the time."

Two yearbooks later, I found her sister, and then, knowing the first name and now last name of the person I was looking for, found her in about five minutes. Next, I searched through Facebook and Google to find nothing. I found her sister's email on an alumni listing, only to find the email bounce back. I tried once more on Google, this time adding our high school name into the search. What came up to my surprise was a dear friend's website who had passed away. On there, she was interviewed. She had changed her name. One more search and I had found her. 

Twenty years will change people. She looked nothing like I remembered her. However, she still had that spark of originality and was still simply beautiful. I sent an email. I wanted to thank her for changing my life. Sometimes people who influence you in amazing ways just never know. I didn't want that to happen. I could not go a lifetime without this woman knowing that because of her words, I became a vegetarian, fell deeper into who my soul was, and subsequently raised a pescetarian (one who doesn't eat red meat or poultry, only fish).

Each of us, every moment we speak, we take action, we think, we are tossing a rock into a body of water creating ripples. We cannot see how that can remotely make a difference. It does. I love the phrase "hindsight is 20/20." How could we see what has only begun to unfold? How could we know how we influenced a situation or living being until the dust has settled?

When I woke up the morning after I sent my email, I found such clarity in part my life that I was blindly living in. It prompted me to have a difficult conversation with a person to share that I could not support the consumption of meat. This conversation had the potential to change my future. But my eyes were wide open with a realization that had not occurred to me previously. I believed that all of those prayers, incense burning, shouts of "Yes!" of my friends all accumulated in perfect synchronicity for what I needed at that moment. It was not what I expected, but what I needed. 

About a day after my email, the girl from high school, replied. She said that my message was also timely for her. She saw it as a sign influencing a choice in her life. We both, in the span of a couple of days, received what we each needed without knowing the gift we were giving one another. 

I have found that there are no coincidences in life. Simply, properly timed moments, stirred by some invisible force. And that force leads us to connecting to and supporting the higher good for ourselves and others. 

Inspirational Mobile Wall

I often see these graphics on Facebook, Twitter & Pinterest with inspirational quotes. The ones I see that I love I save to my phone and share on Facebook, Twitter or Pinterest. Some, I keep on my phone only for me. And then every now and then I clean up my phone and keep my super favorites. 

My phone becomes an inspirational wall with photos of my family and photos of outdoors I capture. 
I'm sharing this one with you. It's also going to be a keeper on my phone. 


As my daughter grows and plans her adult life, I tell her you can plan for your life, but sometimes it takes you places that were never in your plan. And that can be marvelous.

In no way shape or form is my adult life what I planned for it to be. I wouldn't trade it in for my childhood dreams. I never could have imagined creating such a magnificent one as I have now.

Do you have an inspirational wall on your phone or home?

Understanding New Year's Resolutions

Last night, before my daughter headed out to enjoy New Year's with her other half, I ran into our family room with baby blue paper and pens from my purse. Everyone looked at me with a big "uh oh" face.

Before I handed out the pens and paper, I asked everyone to recount their top five (more or less) happy moments from 2014. My daughter started tentatively. Soon, she was on a roll, beaming with delight at the accomplishments, travels and memories from the year. We continued around the room, each of us sharing what we were proud of and what made the year special for us.

For me, it was a big year. I'm not even going to beat around the bush. The year of the Chinese Horse was good to me. After an extremely challenging year of the Snake, I can honestly say I deserved this kind of year. After a good whipping, you kind of need to be picked up again.

In 2014, I completed my 200 hour yoga teacher training. I received my certification in Thai Folk Medicine. I loved our trips to Disney World and Montreal. And of course, my biggie, my book was published. What I also shared was that I had such a great year with my husband and daughter and my marriage was amazing this year.

After we patted ourselves on our backs, I thrust the blue paper and pens into everyone's hands.

"Is this what you were going to tell me," my daughter asked in regards to New Year's resolutions.

"No. But, I would like for all of us to write goals or accomplishments we would like to have this year."

Anyone that knows me knows I abhor resolutions. I frankly am not the biggest fan of New Year's either. For me, it was always another day in the cycle of life. January 1st meant I survived several cold months and very soon, by end of February, I can jump up and down with glee as the crocus' make their way out of the ground.

I never looked at New Year's as a mark where life resets itself. It's just another day. I struggled why people put such emphasis on one day a year that seemingly wiped the slate clean. We can never wipe our slates clean. It's what makes us who we are. We don't need one day a year where we suddenly can make change. We can always make changes any day of our lives.

I do, however, believe in goals. Goals to me are the closest my chaotic mind can get to organization. Goals lead to results. Perhaps, the results aren't what my mind had imagined, but they push me towards creating or removing things in my life. So, I make goals each year, throughout the year.

Recently, I had done research for a blog I was writing for work. This is what I shared with my daughter. I found that while most people don't succeed in their resolutions, those who don't make resolutions don't reach their goals as easily. I suppose it might stem from having that vision in your mind that you clearly want to manifest. I buy into the whole power of attraction thing. You know when people say "I have to see it to believe it" thing? I believe that you have to visualize it, feel it in your bones, to help make it come to fruition. So, thus, goals for me are one way of doing so.

Usually, I make a mental catalogue of things I would love to do. I think about them, meditate upon them, and use my intuition to see whether or not they are part of my path at the moment. This year, however, we were writing them down. And then? We fed them to the fire.

Fire is a tool I have used for manifesting things. It is amazing to watch your idea, your desire, your intention burn up, and leaving it up to fate to create the opportunity. There's something magical about just letting it go. It's like the Buddha Board I have at my studio. You paint with water and a paint brush and soon thereafter, your painting is gone. You learn to let go.

My husband had a fire going for us in our chimney. After we all carefully wrote down around five goals, we took turns adding them to the fire. I waited until the end, popped my folded paper in and watched it sit there on the right hand side, not catching fire. Everyone had tossed theirs in the center left. I, of course, do everything my own way and in my own time. Burning up my intentions was apparently no different.

My husband kindly blew into the chimney trying to get the paper to ignite. I, however, moved in and using the poker nudged my paper over. It finally burned bright, releasing my goals into the spirit of fire.

Maybe, New Year's is more than just a day where I get to hang out in my PJ's. Perhaps, it's like the fire. You can burn up what you don't need anymore, offer up what you do, and cross your fingers for something new to begin.

Maybe it's Not the Destination

Yesterday, I experienced my third talk and meditation with Buddhist monk, Bhante Sujatha. I was delighted he was able to allow time in his schedule to make a trip not only to South Central PA, but to my yoga studio. 

While Bhante's talk focused on the stress of the holidays, he naturally weaved in mindfulness and appreciation. 

Last night, instead of dreaming blissful dreams, my mind sorted through the stress of my day job. In the dream I was not at my day job, but at my yoga studio. I had gotten in early before my class and was enjoying a hot beverage on our balcony. Everything was peaceful. Bundled up in a coat, hat and gloves , I savored the moment. But, only for a moment. 

Soon, I was interrupted. This continued as I went from one person or problem to the next. I counted down the minutes left to make it to my class. Each step towards the classroom was another distraction from my purpose for being there. My mind was solely focused on how I would be late for my destination. 

Today, as I reflected on my dream, after another busy day at work, I realized something. We are all trying to get from point A to point B. Life always seems to get in the way though. Whether it is a goal or literally moving from one place or project to another, our daily to-do list is slowly replaced by other things. This leads to frustration and anxiety. So what if we look at things differently?

What if instead of viewing each of those interuptions as distractions from where we needed to get to, we instead think of them as little blessings? Each moment has it's purpose. Perhaps we are receiving a gift. Perhaps we are learning something we need to know along our journey. Maybe the person in our "way" really needs to be around our energy and we need to make time to appreciate, validate or give of ourselves. 

Bhante Sujatha spoke of how no matter what we have in life, we are always disappointed because of expectations. If we are able to let go of our expectations of how our life, goals, and daily schedule should look, we might just be able to appreciate what is coming into our lives at that very moment. It takes a little mindfulness and a lot of patience. But its like everything in life, like learning to ride a bicycle. 

We may fall. We may have to try multiple times before we are able to navigate on two wheels. However, one day, after many days of practice, it happens. We know how to ride that bike. We know how to appreciate each moment as a blessing enhancing our journey. 

Who Are You Really?

I was withdrawing on commenting on today's verdict in the Ferguson case because as a white person what could I say? I didn't feel like I had the right to say anything. This video however, moved me. 

I have known a different type of discrimination, but never to the severity African Americans have known in US history or abroad. I have been teased, bullied, and otherwise for being a woman. For being thin. For being motivated. For being different and poor. For my choice of jobs. However, again nothing that would remotely justify my ability to relate to racial issues. 

Growing up, when my father was drunk, he was a belligerent racist. I would cower in shame. One boy when I was young was not permitted to play with me because he was black. As a young adult, I was told I couldn't date another boy because he was biracial. 

What I found in these experiences was a profound deep lack of understanding and compassion. Not just on a race level, but a living being level. 

Today, while driving to work, I thought about how if there was one single thing I would want to achieve in this life, it would be equality of all living beings. A post on Facebook about a horrific action on an incident animal made me reaffirm this. 

While I listened to the latest Forbes magazine of the worth of famous actors and musicians, I reaffirmed this yet again. There is nothing in the world that can buy compassion, loving kindness and the courage to understand one another. 

Getting back to this video- it speaks of the need to go back to ourselves and discover who we truly are and not adopt the mantras and actions of our parents, grandparents and ancestors. It is up to us to discover our deepest selves. Who are you aside from your body, your job, your house? Who are YOU? 

Perhaps if we spent more time seeking that answer, we could see that all sentient beings are of value. We are all uniquely different and gloriously the same. We come from the same place. A place of grace. 

Watch with open ears and open eyes at one man's observation of what could happen if we were to let go of our fable of who we think we are. 

Peace and love to you and all those who seek equality. Let's start a new chapter in human history. 

http://youtu.be/BQgNrnWZVSI

Letting Go of Balance

I just thought this was so beautiful and true I just had to share.  Author, Elizabeth Gilbert, talks about how balance may not be the right concept to focus on during her time on Oprah's tour. 

I know for myself I was talking to someone a few months ago about trying to balance my job, my studio, my family, my writing, my personal time. I felt stuck in this tornado of imbalance and wanted someone to see for me of how I could better balance everything. 

Do you know what they told me? There is no balance. It's a misconception. 

Sometimes certain parts of our lives will take a bigger chunk of our time and attention - away from other things. And that's OK. 

What's important is that we are happy or at the very least, content, with where our energy is going. 

So, let's toss that notion of balance away. It's just a hot word of the decade, a fad to pass, an illusion that just makes life a little more crazy. Instead, let's look at what needs our attention at each moment and focus on that.  

http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/6148472

Step Into the Light

So, I'm keeping it real. During my intuitive reading by an amazing and talented intuitive, I almost broke down crying. 

As I heard the pride of my father and my grandmother showing my book to others on the other side (surely Albanian Ya Ya's), I was expressing my pain for those who feel hurt by my story. 

It's not easy reading mistakes one has made on the page. There's embarrassment, self-loathing and disbelief.

However, despite some of my family's reservations my intention was always to help other people heal. It's been my life's journey to heal. 

Now, it's time to share so people know they are not alone. But here I was, holding tight onto the guilt of hurting others, I had no intention of hurting. 

And do you know what that beautiful woman told me today? She told me I was helping others heal. She told me that others "stuff" was not my own "stuff."  She told me to step into the light. She didn't even know that I knew my writing was inspired or that I knew it would help others. She just channeled that sucker right out of the ethers. 

So, before I stepped out of that room, I decided to step into the light. And you know what? I sold some books almost immediately. Then, I was tested within fifteen minutes, but I'm trying to keep in the light because that's the only way to live. Step out into the light today dear ones. And let yourself shine!